So my dr. finally put me on a different script of my meds where it seems to be working and I'm losing the water weight, feeling somewhat better. Except for the episode of the flu that the kids brought home. Man did that suck!
Well, in about a month I lost 38 lbs. Mainly water weight. So I only have or had at least another 16lbs or so to go. Maybe. Meaning that I wasn't sure I were to ever be back to the weight that I was. But it was looking good. Now, not so much after the couple days I had because I have to resort back to my old ways, or at least old thoughts which doesn't have good results in my head or anywhere else for that fact.
38 lbs.. your saying I'm sure your like wow .. woah. but me and my head is going.. nope not enough yet. And even there what are you going to do once you get down. How you going to deal with it. trying to be healthy and keeping your levels normal and also be happy and content.
Happy and content. What is that. That's such a bullshit saying. Who is every happy and content?? If you know them please let me know so I can at least sit next to them and maybe it'll rub off a bit.. just a bit of it is all I need.
I'm in a hate phase right now with myself. So to say positive things, just doesn't seem reasonable. It actually feels awkward and stupid to even think of saying something positive about myself. But now if you want me to 'dog' on myself.. oh I have plenty for that. Never had any problems with that. Everyone else had so much to say that it made it easy.
To tomorrow. Tomorrow I go back on my diet and back to the way that I need to be. I do miss it right now, but I know once I'm there too I'll be wishing to eat the foods that I want to eat. And tomorrow I'm going to be pissed because of the weight gain. Like REALLY PISSED! So pray for me tonight.
